Thursday, March 20, 2014

How to Add an Extra Hour to Your Day

If you're a busy, successful entrepreneur like me, you can often find that you're catching up on things right up to the last minute of the day before you pass out from exhaustion. If only there was another hour to the day, you could possibly get that last email answered, that final deal made, that closing chapter written. Well, it's not impossible! With a little investment in setup, you, too, can experience the pleasures and leisure of time dilation. And you won't even have to fly around the world powered by the rays of our yellow sun Superman-style to do it. (Although solar power is something highly advocated by this blog and I recommend that anyone interested in such a power generation alternative go look it up, but that's completely irrelevant to this particular article.)

Friday, March 14, 2014

How to Be In Two Places at Once

We've all been there, right? Too many items on our plate, hitting the ground running at 6am and there still aren't enough hours in the day. If only we could be in two places at once, we could get a whole lot more done. Well, according to Completely Unsubstantiated Science it's totally possible! You, too, could be sitting down at your office desk and driving the kids to school at the same time using quantum mechanics. Harnessing this natural law is easy if you follow these steps, but be forewarned: cat lovers need not proceed.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

How to Find a Mate on Mars

It's difficult enough to find a mate here on Earth. There are dozens of websites devoted to it, there are people who go to bars to do it, there are experts upon experts who give some sound advice on how to do it, and the divorce rate is still over 50% (I think; I mean, I haven't actually checked. What do you think this is? An actual informational article where I do "research"?). Anyway, if you feel like you've exhausted all of your options on Earth, there are several benefits to expanding your search to extra-planetary avenues. I know what you're thinking: "But, Steve! There's no life on Mars!" Well, that's what the government wants you to believe. And they're right. There is no life on Mars. But there are bevvies of alien beauties under Mars! And here's how you get them:

Sunday, March 2, 2014

How to Live Without Breathing

Breathing is something so natural and so vital that most humans start doing it without any kind of prompting directly after birth. It's not something you learn, but it is something you can learn to improve. It's not good or bad in itself, but becomes either one depending on what you inhale. For the most part, a successful human life is lived by inhaling a mixture of nitrogen and oxygen, with a few other gases for good measure, and exhaling carbon dioxide. All of this you probably already know. But what you probably don't know is that it's possible to live without breathing. I'm Sun Mcleod, and this is my story.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

The Day After the Doctor

You know how after a fangirl sees something awesome in her fandom she'll often squeal, wave her arms frantically, and rattle off various incoherent syllables from thoughts that are moving more quickly than her brain can process into speech? This post is basically my attempt to capture those thoughts, slow them down and turn them into text. They may not have a coherent structure, but they just have to be shared!

Located after the cut is a multitude of Doctor Who spoilers, so if you haven't watched "The Day of the Doctor" yet, first of all, how dare you? Second of all, skip this article. You will regret reading it. Go watch Doctor Who's 50th anniversary special and then come back to this. Also, feel free to tell me all of your feels and theories regarding this special and Doctor Who in general in the comments! I need to feed my brain with more Doctor Who!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Star Trek: Asterisk "First Contact"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S04E15
Air Date: February 18, 1991
Written by: Dennis Russell Bailey, David Bischoff, Joe Menosky, Ronald D. Moore and Michael Piller; and Marc Scott Zicree
Directed by: Cliff Bole

The Malcorians discover an alien in their midst! Riker was injured while undercover and now Picard has to get him back using his superpower of diplomacy.

Captain Picard looks into a mirror and what he sees is not himself. It's his face, but as he looks harder, a Borg implant emerges from his chee--... wait, hold on... *shuffles papers* I'm sorry, that was the movie First Contact. This is the episode... Let's start over.... A man is rushed into a hospital room unconscious. The Malcorian doctors an nurses work him over and find that he is not like them. His heart is in the wrong place, some of his ribs are missing... and his has fingers and toes! We finally get a good look at this strange alien being and find him to be familiar: it's First Officer Commander William T. Riker... with bumps on his forehead.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Star Trek: Asterisk "Clues"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S04S14
Air Date: Feb 11, 1991
Written By: Bruce D Arthurs and Joe Menosky
Directed By: Les Landau

After falling unconscious for what Data claims was thirty seconds, Picard finds all the clues that they were out for much longer without the help of Blue.

We start on the holodeck where Picard has a date with Guinan to show her around the Dixon Hill program. They unwittingly get involved in a holo-murder and Guinan says "this is what you call fun??" Picard insists that the hunt for clues is the fun part. Who killed him? Where's the money he was talking about? But then Data calls in with a 24th century mystery: an M-class planet in a system where it shouldn't be. When they go to investigate, the Enterprise falls into a wormhole and everyone passes out just in time for the commercial break.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Star Trek: Asterisk "REBOOT"

So, one of the reasons I went on hiatus with Star Trek: Asterisk I didn't write about in the post announcing the hiatus. And that reason is this: I think I suck at reviews. Every time I call one of my episode recaps a review I kinda feel bad about it. It's not really a "review" so much as... well, as I said, a "recap". So, I've decided to reboot Star Trek: Asterisk, therefore, with a major change in format. Here's the changelog:

Friday, September 27, 2013

Star Trek: Asterisk "Devil's Due"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S04E13
Air Date: February 4, 1991
Written by: Philip LaZebnik and William Douglas Lansford
Directed by: Tom Benko

The Devil went down to Ventax II, she was lookin' for a planet to steal. Picard was in a bind because a lawyer signed a nearly 1000 year-old deal.

We start off in 19th century England... or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Data's working on his acting skills and is playing a scene from A Christmas Carol with him in the role of Scrooge. I'm not sure how convincing his acting is, but at least he has Sir Patrick Stewart there to guide him. The scene he happens to be acting out is the one where Scrooge, struck by fear, insists to the ghost of Marley that his senses are not to be trusted and can play tricks on him. And it seems we'll have an opportunity to put that assumption to the test, because the Devil has just landed on Ventax II.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Star Trek: Asterisk "The Wounded"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S04E12
Air Date: January 28, 1991
Written by: Jeri Taylor, Stuart Charno, Sara Charno and Cy Chermak
Directed by: Chip Chalmers

Mere days after getting married, Miles O'Brien has to make nice with one of his sworn enemies; the Spoonheads.

What does the Enterprise do on off days? Does it have off days? Well, no, not really, but when it anticipates off days, it goes and does mapping surveys along enemy borders. This particular enemy is the Cardassians. The Federation was at war with the Cardassians for a while, but they're in a peace treaty at the moment. Although, you wouldn't know it from the Cardassian ship that fires upon the Enterprise out of nowhere... The captain of the Cardassian ship says that he's firing in retaliation for another Federation ship that's been going around killing off Cardassians! The U.S.S. Phoenix destroyed one of their scientific bases! This is preposterous because everyone knows the Federation is good buddies with the people they form treaties with... right?