4/7/07

iPod Law Smackdown

Bill Banning iPods In Crosswalks Slated For Albany, New York
vs.
Michigan Dems' budget plan puts lots on table (including an iPod for every student)

Fighting for Michigan is Steve Jobs.
Fighting for New York is Senator Carl Kruger.

Steve Jobs enters the ring in a classic show of pomp and spectacle. A holographic projection of his iconic Apple logo hovers over the arena like a white, foggy spectre. This is undoubtedly the source of his sometimes mystical powers. The fact that this fight is even happening would not have been possible were it not for this man and this icon's company. The holographic projection warps and bends and flows down toward Steve as if it's entering him like a man drinking a waterfall. Steve drinks it up, his hands outstretched, and and yells out "TODAY MICHIGAN! TOMORROW THE WORLD!!!"

The crowd roars for the lofty C.E.O. as he takes his place in his corner. Surely this is the crowd favorite. The proposal he represents to give iPods to all students in Michigan is almost as innovative as the product itself.

Entering the ring now is New York Senator, Carl Kruger. The crowd boos as he makes his way onto the ring. His coat and tie a vast departure from the normal attire at such an event, he yells out "I just want to keep the streets safe!!" This plea for what he believes to be common sense is not met well by the audience. I believe they're throwing food at him. He walks to the center of the ring and strips off his suit to reveal a leather-clad outfit. I had no idea he was gay.

The two competitors are in place. They walk to the center and meet the referee. The referee explains the rules. The bell rings. Steve Jobs throws the first punch! Kruger is down in one swing!! Steve puts some white earbuds in his ear and steps back as, randomly, a large, New York bus crashes into the building and runs over the good Senator!

Steve Jobs raises his hands in victory!! He has won the match in under ten seconds! Wait what's this? He's taking something out of his pocket. He's taking out his earbuds and putting the device to his ear. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's an iPhone. "Cisco??" he's saying. "But I just finished beating up Kruger! . . . Fine. Beam me up."

He puts the iPhone back in his pocket, waves cheerily at the crowd and . . . disappears in a flurry of digital light! Ladies and gentlemen, this has been the the most phenomenal ten seconds I have ever seen! I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it! In the fight of Michigan vs. New York iPod law, Michigan is the clear victor!