11/13/09

2012


Thousands of years ago, the Mayans took to the task of creating a calendar they would never have to flip. Going off what they knew of the stars, they carved out the demarcation of days, months, years and decades from the time they started all the way until December 21, 2012 when the calendar creator said, "Screw it, I'm done. It's not like any of us will be around this long anyway." I would much rather have seen a story about this slacker of a Mayan calendar creator than sat through nearly three hours of almost falling into various volcanic pits.

I'll give this to Roland Emerich: the graphics were spectacular. It gave the vision of a breaking planet that had my heart pumping. But I can get my heart pumping from a roller coaster, and that's only 30 seconds. 2012 is almost three hours long and half way through you start to ask yourself when you're going to start to care.

On the plus side, this movie works pretty well as a comedy. Put together some its completely ridiculous situations with some of its ironic dialog, mix together some obvious dialog with the fact that through half the movie the characters are literally running away from cracks in the ground and it's pretty frakkin hilarious. All they need is to replace the soundtrack with some banjo music. Like so.

2012 has the same feel that most people expected GI Joe to have. A terribly ridiculous actioner whose only redeeming quality was the superb visual elements. The difference is that GI Joe had a sort of ironic quality to it that 2012 had trouble admitting to. GI Joe reveled in its ridiculous hilarity while 2012 is the lame kid trying to fit into the cool crowd with its stylish jacket. Sure, the jacket looks great, but he just doesn't fit in it.