3/27/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Shades of Gray"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E22
Air Date: July 17,1989
Written by: Maurice Hurley, Richard Manning and Hans Beimler
Directed by: Robert Bowman

Premise
Riker saves Paramount some money getting paralyzed and watching a few episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation in his head.

Review
While surveying a jungle planet, Riker takes a seat on a rock, complaining about his leg hurting. Geordi comes over and takes a look to find that Riker is badly injured, so he asks O'Brien to beam him up, but the transporter says that Riker has an infection that can't be filtered out, so Pulaski has to beam down to take a look. She looks at Riker's leg, confirms that it's okay to override the transporter's safety protocols and beams him directly to sick bay. In sick bay, when Riker goes to sit on a bed, his leg, like the credibility of the episode, dies.

3/26/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Peak Performance"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E21
Air Date: July 10, 1989
Written by: David Kemper
Directed by: Robert Scheerer

Premise
Sirna Kolrami comes on board the Enterprise to oversee war games and basically insult everyone's intelligence.

Review
Picard thinks that, because there are Borg now, the Enterprise should be prepared for battle, so he's bringing on board Sirna Kolrami, a Zakdorn who is known, along with his entire race, for his strategic skill. Kolrami is going to initiate a battle simulation using the USS Hathaway which is an 80-year-old derelict ship. Picard will assign a member of his crew as captain of the Hathaway and this captain will have two days to make repairs before the games begin. Picard has chosen Riker, and Kolrami is not very excited about this.

3/25/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "The Emissary"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E20
Air Date: June 29, 1989
Written by: Richard Manning & Hans Beimler and Thomas H. Calder
Directed by: Cliff Bole

Premise
Worf's old flame comes aboard to act as emissary to some freeze-dried Klingons.

Review
Perhaps ironically, while The Original Series often referred to chess games, The Next Generation's game appears to be poker. And that's where we find ourselves at the beginning of this episode. Worf, Riker, Pulaski, Data and Geordi around the poker table, describing the intricacies of the game to a Klingon who seems to be winning against all odds. Worf makes another high bet, but then their game is interrupted by a call to the bridge. Geordi insists he was bluffing, but Worf says Klingons never bluff. Probably because they'd had enough of it from Kirk all those years.

3/24/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Weekly Aftermath - The Gray Emissary's Performance"

So we've finally come to the end of season two of Star Trek: The Next Generation with the episodes "The Emissary," "Peak Performance," and "Shades of Gray." Stick around while I give my reviews and thoughts on these episodes. Two of them were pretty great, and the other one was a clip show. You can probably guess my opinion on that one.

Go ahead and listen to the sound of my voice right here.

Meanwhile, you can check out all of the written reviews that have come before and be on the look out for written reviews of these episodes in the coming days. Next Friday we'll be starting season 3, so don't miss it. You can join us live at thegreenasterisk.com/live at 6:00 pm EST.

Star Trek: Asterisk "Officer's Lounge - The Gray Emissary's Performance"

A flash of green, a blast of sound, look up in the sky WHAT IS IT? A CLoud... and on your podcast catching device it's ANOTHER EPISODE OF STAR TREK: ASTERISK! Welcome back! Today we'll be finishing season two of Star Trek: The Next Generation with "The Emissary," "Peak Performance," and "Shades of Gray." A couple of great episodes, followed by a clip show.

Fire up Netflix and queue up the episodes, 'cause we've got some riffing to do. Er... I've got some riffing to do. That's right, one more Zack-less podcast. I'm sure we'll manage, though. Without further adieu, you can check out the insanity right here.

3/20/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Manhunt"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E19
Air Date: June 19, 1989
Written by: Tracy Tormé
Directed by: Rob Bowman

Premise
Lwaxana Troi comes on board the Enterprise to find a mate.

Review
So, the Enterprise beams aboard some sleeping fish creatures called the Antedeans. They are delegates to be transported to a conference for diplomats. They are in a catatonic state as this is the way they deal with space flight: by sleeping through it. Before the Enterprise can head off to the conference, however, they're ordered to take along one more diplomat: Lwaxana Troi, Deanna's mother. Telepath that she is, she beams over and immediately accuses Picard of having dirty thoughts toward her. This does not look good for the Homestar Runner.

3/19/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Up the Long Ladder"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E18
Air Date: May 22, 1989
Written by: Melinda M Snodgrass
Directed by: Winrich Kolbe

Premise
Welcome to the Star Trek Comedy Variety Hour! Watch Klingons fall on their face, chickens run through the halls of the Enterprise, Irishmen get drunk, and technologically sophisticated men talk about how sex is icky! It's all right here on the Star Trek Comedy Variety Hour!

Review
We start out on the bridge where Worf is having some issues standing at his post. He's grunting and making weird faces, but even so, no one seems to notice. Picard calls Riker into the ready room and plays a recording of a signal to him and Riker immediately recognizes it as an antiquated distress signal, which a research team took hours to figure out. Clearly, Riker is superior in all respects. So, that's their mission: to find out where this really old signal is coming from. Meanwhile, as Riker and Picard walk back out onto the bridge, they find that Worf has fallen down at his post and is unconscious. The weak, old fool!

3/18/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Samaritan Snare"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E17
Air Date: May 15, 1989
Written by: Robert L McCullough
Directed by: Les Landau

Premise
Geordi gets abducted by the Three Stooges who are all Curly, while Picard gives his heart to the wrong doctor.

Review
So the Enterprise is en route to survey a pulsar cluster, a mission to which Picard was really looking forward, when Pulaski tells him that he needs a new heart. To be clear, this replacement will be his second new heart. His original heart was "damaged" and apparently his first replacement heart was faulty. Picard is none too happy with this turn of events since 1) he'll miss the pulsar cluster and 2) he'll look weak in front of his crew. Reluctantly, he agrees to go to Starbase 515 to have the surgery. Well, guess who else is on his way there! That's right, Wesley Friggin' Crusher!

3/17/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Weekly Aftermath - The Long Samaritan Manhunt"

Here it is, the Aftermath. Join me as I mumble about "Samaritan Snare," "The Long Ladder," and "Manhunt" from season 2 of Star Trek: The Next Generation. For your consideration, hear my meaningless opinion here.

Meanwhile, just hold your horses, 'cause the written reviews for these will be up in the coming days. And you can read the ones from the past or meander through the site at your will. Thanks for listening and reading!

Star Trek: Asterisk "Officer's Lounge - The Long Samaritan Manhunt"

Welcome back! Please, make yourself at home, have a seat on the sofa, crack open a soda, turn on the Xbox and open Netflix. It's time for Star Trek: Asterisk! Today I'll be trucking on through "Samaritan Snare," "The Long Ladder," and "Manhunt." A triplet of hilarious episodes!  Beam them into your earballs right here.

I know! It's out so early, right? Well, that'll put the reviews behind by a day, but, whatever. In the meantime, meander around the site and check out the reviews that have come before, or come visit me on Tumblr. It's always a fun time over there. The Aftermath will be up soon...

3/14/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Weekly Aftermath - Q's Pen Pal, Icarus"

Well, now that the watching is out of the way, it's time for the analyzing. This week's Star Trek: Asterisk Aftermath is brought to you by the letter Q. We'll be talking about "The Icarus Factor", "Pen Pals" and "Q Who"! The introduction of the Borg! [scary] Anyway. Listen to me yammer on for 40 minutes right here. (Because you will definitely not have that opportunity in real life.)

Meanwhile, check out all the reviews for these episodes that have already been posted and look around the site for more awesome stuff that you may not have even counted on before coming here!

Remember to savor the moment that you are here. Because once that moment is gone... it may never come again.

Star Trek: Asterisk "Officer's Lounge - Q's Pen Pal, Icarus"

Welcome back to Star Trek: Asterisk. Thank you for joining us for another week. Today we will be watching "The Icarus Factor", "Pen Pals", and "Q Who" from the second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. And you can download it all right here.

In the meantime, you can check out the reviews that have come before and marvel at my writing talents? I guess? I mean, if you're into that sort of thing.

Also take a tour of the website, check out every nook and cranny. Maybe there's something you'd like to find. Buy my short story, make a donation, buy a shirt, whatever, it's a great site, take advantage of it. But whatever you do, make sure you join us tomorrow at 6 for another edition of Star Trek: Asterisk live!

3/12/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Q Who"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E16
Air Date: May 8, 1989
Written by: Maurice Hurley
Directed by: Rob Bowman

Premise
Q returns and insists there are things for which humanity is not prepared. For example, space zombies.

Review
The episode opens with a new officer, Ensign Sonya Gomez, getting a cup of hot chocolate from the replicator. Then after talking to Geordi in engineering for a while, saying how nervous she is and basically establishing herself as the comic relief, she spills that cup of hot chocolate all over Captain Picard who happened to come around to Engineering for... some reason. Doesn't matter what reason, though, because just as quickly as he arrived, he leaves to change his shirt. Only, when he steps out of the turbolift... he finds himself in a shuttle. He's confused for about thirty seconds until the pilot of the shuttle turns around and reveals himself to be Q.

3/11/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Pen Pals"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E15
Air Date: May 1, 1989
Written by: Melinda M Snodgrass and Hannah Louise Shearer
Directed by: Winrich Kolbe

Premise
Data accidentally makes contact with a pre-warp alien girl and goes on to accidentally save her life by accidentally invoking a loophole in the Prime Directive.

Review
In the Selcundi Drema sector, plants have been breaking up and reducing themselves to rubble, so the Enterprise has been sent to find out why. Meanwhile, Picard decides to check out the holodeck and ride on a horse like his hero, the Old Spice guy. But just as he's about to hop on, Riker calls him to the bridge. They take a look at the planets that are breaking up and Riker has the great idea to put Wesley in charge of the science team that investigates it. What could possibly go wrong?

3/10/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "The Icarus Factor"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E14
Air Date: April 24, 1989
Written by: David Assael and Robert L McCullough
Directed by: Robert Iscove

Premise
Riker patches things up with his father while Worf gets angsty about not having painsticks.

Review
So, there's a problem in Engineering and Data thinks it's a minor problem they can solve by reprogramming, but Picard says they're on they're way to a starbase, anyway, so they might as well have them look at the problem. Why are they going to a starbase? Because there are some "personnel transferrs" to do. Riker is curious about this since, as the first officer, he should be one of the first to know if someone's coming or going. Picard pulls him aside and says it's him. Riker has been given the opportunity to take command of the USS Aries in the wake of its former captain's retirement. Riker says he'll think about it, but in the meantime, someone is coming to brief him on the Aries current mission status. And guess who that someone is!

3/8/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Weekly Aftermath - The Time Contagion Royale"

Last week I was all alone without the help of Zack to push through these episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and I'm passing on the savings to you!

I don't know what that means. Anyway, this episode contains reviews for "Contagion", "The Royale", and "Time Squared". Don't worry, you won't get stuck in a time loop. Picard might... but you won't. Pick up this bit of awesomeness right here.

And don't forget to check the website for more reviews and other awesome stuff. And you can call us with questions whenever you want at (513) ASTRISK. Don't worry, I'm sure your question isn't stupid. Our answer might be... but at least it'll be entertaining. Have a good day!

Star Trek: Asterisk "Officer's Lounge - The Time Contagion Royale"

Welcome to another edition of Star Trek: Asterisk's Officer's Lounge in which we watch through three episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and tear them to shreds. This week, we'll be providing commentary for "Contagion", "The Royale", and "Time Squared". Side effects may include nausea, heavy breathing, split sides and marginal migraines. You can pick up this delightful piece of audio right here.

Don't forget to check out the written reviews posted earlier this week on the website. And be sure to tune in every week for three more episodes. Enjoy!

3/5/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Time Squared"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E13
Air Date: April 3, 1989
Written by: Maurice Hurley and Kurt Michael Bensmiller
Directed by: Joseph L Scanlan

Premise
Picard comes back from six hours in the future to warn the Enterprise of an oncoming galactic toilet.

Review
We start off with a vaguely familiar sight. Granted, it's only familiar because we watched Star Trek: Enterprise first, but it's nonetheless amusing. Riker preparing a meal. He's not in a kitchen; he's in his quarters scrambling up some eggs that he got at a nearby station. Pulaski, Data, Geordi and Worf come to join him. The humans hate it, the android is apathetic, the Klingon loves it. Riker says chef is only as good as his ingredients... but considering he said he was making an omelette and then came out with scrambled eggs... I'm putting the blame squarely on his shoulders.

3/4/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "The Royale"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E12
Air Date: March 27, 1989
Written by: Keith Mills
Directed by: Cliff Bole

Premise
Riker, Data and Worf step into the pages of the most terrible book ever written.

Review
So, a Klingon vessel passed by this planet a while ago and reported seeing a strange vessel that appeared to be terrestrial, so the Enterprise goes to check it out. There's some wreckage, so they beam it aboard, and lo and behold, in big, bold letters the wreckage reads "NASA" with an American flag on it. Upon closer examination, it seems to have come from the mid-21st century, which is good news, because it means that at some point in our future NASA will get its funding back.

3/3/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Contagion"

Vital Information
Series: The Next Generation
Episode: S02E11
Air Date: March 20, 1989
Written by: Steve Gerber and Beth Woods
Directed by: Joseph L Scanlan

Premise
The Enterprise infected with an ancient space virus, no one thinks to ask "did you try turning it off and on again?" until Data is infected.

Review
The Neutral Zone is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence. But the Enterprise has to go there again to help out its sister ship, the USS Yomato. Captain Varley says they were out there investigating the Iconians, an ancient race of highly technological beings who were said to have traveled the stars without the aid of starships. While they were there, however, their ship started acting weird and glitchy. They couldn't finish their job until the Enterprise came along to help... but when they do come along, the Yomato succumbs to their computer virus and explodes. And this is why we always update our antivirus.

3/2/13

Star Trek: Asterisk "Weekly Aftermath - A Matter of the Dauphin Man"

And finally we have the Aftermath for last week available to plug into your brain presently. This episode includes our thoughts on the Star Trek: The Next Generation season 2 episodes "A Matter of Honor", "The Measure of a Man" and "The Dauphin" which I learned during the recording of this episode means, basically, the next in line to the throne. Don't ever say Star Trek: Asterisk never taught you anything. Pick up a heaping helping of our voices right here.

As always, you can check out our faces saying these words at our YouTube channel, or you can read my thoughts on them in the written reviews below. Thanks for coming and join us every Friday at 6 for a new live episode!

Star Trek: Asterisk "Officer's Lounge - A Matter of the Dauphin Man"

A big sorry for this coming out so late, but I'll try to make up for it by putting up the next ones early. This is last week's live commentary on the Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes "A Matter of Honor", "The Measure of a Man", and "The Dauphin". Click right here to fill your earholes with its goodness.

After you listen to us take the piss out of these episodes, you can read what I really think in the reviews posted below. Now I hope ya'll have a loverly day and keep your eyes pealed for the Aftermath.