10/30/15

Green Onion: Local Man Uses Social Media to Update Friends on Progress and Quality of Day

LITTLEROCK, IL -- They wait with bated breath as they hit refresh on their Facebook feeds.

Friends of local man, Brian Talbot, have been begging for more information since he posted a message at 10:43 am saying "Today has been good so far. We'll see if that continues to be the case. My work load may or may not double."

10/5/15

Green Onion: Duck Sues Disney World for Performance Income

ORLANDO, FL -- According to a duck's legal representative, the duck has been performing for five years in Disney World's Epcot Center and has seen little more than scraps of bread from guests as compensation. The duck regularly entertains guests as a pre-show warmup to the nightly IllumiNations fireworks show. He and his wife allegedly bring home barely enough scrap food for them and their five ducklings to survive.