2/18/16

Green Onion: Tim Cook Forgets Password, Installs New OS to Decrypt MacBook

SUNNYVALE, CA -- In a tech world-shattering decision on Wednesday, Tim Cook opened his MacBook Pro and couldn't for the life of him remember what his password was. He then ordered Apple technicians to create a new MacOS version that bypasses the encryption and data wiping features of the MacBook Pro so that he could get into his computer and retrieve his data.


This came just hours after he released a statement denying the FBI similar capabilities for the iPhone of the suspect in the San Bernardino shootings.

"This is completely different," Cook said in a statement to the press, "This is a MacBook Pro. The FBI were trying to look into an iPhone. Two completely different devices."

He continued the statement saying that he thought he had written his password down somewhere, but couldn't find it. "I think it was on a sticky note or something... like a yellow one... It's possible I wrote it in a document on my computer, which, in hindsight, was stupid."

Analysts speculated that Cook's forgetfulness was part of a vast FBI conspiracy to warm him to the idea of decrypting the San Bernardino suspect's iPhone. They claim that mind-wiping technology was involved, which is much more sophisticated technology than an iPhone. There was no response when questioned why they had mind-wiping technology, but not iPhone decryption technology.