9/19/16

Green Onion: REPORT: Different People Have Different Experiences

In a study released today by Leading Researchers, scientists have concluded that there are as many different configurations of life events as there are lives in the world. Further, they have extrapolated and confirmed that reacting with shock to the discovery that someone has not seen one's favorite movie, read one's favorite book, played one's favorite video game, etc. is more of a reflection on the shocked party's failure to understand statistical probability than on the other party's lack of culture.

9/16/16

Green Onion: Ape Counsel Grants Harambe Full Sainthood

Following the death of the beloved gorilla, Harambe, many apes were left reeling at the decision by the Ape Counsel to stay the execution of the human responsible. Although the Ape Counsel remains unmoved on this decision, it has decided to grant sainthood to Harambe due to his many good works in the Ape community.

9/14/16

Green Onion: Intradimensional Nazis Pleased with State of American Politics

In an alternate universe where Hitler's Third Reich won World War II, it took almost a century to perfect intradimensional travel. With an eye toward spreading the Nazi agenda across the multiverse, Nazi scientists visited our universe first and were pleased to find that, although they hadn't won the War, their agenda is alive and well.